Living in a Dream
by MsMenna
Summary: Set in my "Patient #9" AU, Matthew has been back at Downton less than two months and Mary is plagued by nightmares where she finds herself uncertain if her husband is truly alive. One such dream leads Mary and Matthew to passion and more than one revelation by Mary that changes their life together.


As Matthew peered through the window, he marveled at the blizzard raging on the other side of the glass. A storm this powerful was rare, and coming on the heels of the mild weather that had graced Yorkshire since January, even more surprising. The future Earl of Grantham surmised that at least a foot of snow had fallen so far and he looked forward to the sight of Downton blanketed in white when morning came. For now, he could only imagine it as the high winds that rattled the window panes whipped the snow into a frenzy that obliterated the night sky and his line of vision.

While he enjoyed Mother Nature's spectacular display in the comfort and warmth of his and his wife's bedroom, there was no doubt in his mind that the inhabitants of Downton would need to be shoveled out in the morning. Until then, Matthew was pleased that ample hours remained for him to read a few chapters of "The Secret Adversary," Agatha Christie's latest mystery, before he retired for the night. Moving away from the window, he made his way to the bed where his wife appeared to be resting comfortably.

Mary had opted to turn in early, and as Matthew looked upon his sleeping beauty, he was pleased that she remained fast asleep despite the howling winds. She looked so lovely that he was tempted to kiss her, but thought better of it fearing she would be woken. Instead he retrieved his book from the nightstand and settled into the tufted chair near her vanity. The seat was very comfortable and the floor lamp standing next to it provided him enough light to read his novel without illuminating the entire room.

Quickly he became engrossed in the tale of a soldier returning from the Great War in 1919 and a young woman who are employed to find a female passenger who survived when the Lusitania sank and then disappeared with a secret British Treaty in her possession. Matthew didn't want to put the book down once he found that the woman suffered amnesia as he once did, but his eyes grew heavier by the minute. Yawning, he laid the novel on his lap in order to rest his eyes for a moment, but in less than a minutes' time, he was fast asleep.

Mary was in dire need of a good night's rest but her subconscious had a mind of its own and an agenda not conducive to tranquil slumber. It took a good 20 minutes of jockeying to find the perfect niche for her to settle down in her large mahogany bed before she let out a long sigh and began to drift off. Soon thereafter, all Mary's conscious thought ceased while a deeper layer in her mind drew upon her memories, desires and fears in order to manufacture a dream.

The excitement of the storm and an unusual fatigue that plagued her lately rendered the future Countess of Grantham dead to the world for an hour or so. Then her heartbeat quickened and breath came faster. Mary's lithe body began to stir and her brown eyes danced beneath their lids as she found herself in an alternate reality.

The first thing the Earl of Grantham's eldest daughter noticed as she made her way on what felt like a familiar path in the woodlands was the mist hanging in the air shrouding everything in sight. The second was that she was not alone. Walking alongside her wearing a floor length black coat and grim expression on her face was her sister, Edith. The second Crawley daughter's head was raised high and her eyes scanned the surrounding grounds as if she were searching for something.

Mary followed Edith's line of vision but saw nothing but rows of trees veiled in fog.

"What on earth are you staring at? And why do you look so glum?" she demanded.

"It's hopeless," her younger sister spit out moving her eyes from the road to Mary. "You must know that "

"I don't agree," Mary replied. "You should have more faith."

Edith stopped short and scowled before retorting, "Don't toy with me, Mary. I don't deserve it."

Then she turned on her heel and stormed off in the opposite direction than they were traveling.

Mary followed suit and cried out to her, "Wait…I wasn't…"

But Edith had already disappeared into the night.

"I guess I'll have to go it alone," Mary said.

But, no sooner had she spoken, than she realized she was wrong. As the moon broke through a patch of clouds shedding light on the road ahead, Mary spied a small group of travelers heading in the same direction as she. They were close enough for her to hear them conversing, but too far away to decipher any words spoken. The voices she heard were deep which lead her to believe the group comprised of men, and judging from the sound and frequency of snapped branches, they were moving quickly.

Mary adjusted her pace in an effort to catch up with them but no matter her speed, she could not bridge the gap. Winded, she stopped and leaned against a tree to rest and no sooner had she done so, than the sound created by the travelers ceased, replaced by that of a barking dog.

"What in God's name?" Mary wondered out loud, fixing her eyes on the spot the noise was emanating from.

Transfixed by the sound, she didn't budge until she recognized the canine that bounded through a gap in the trees at full speed in her direction.

"Isis!" Mary cried out with glee as she took off toward the Labrador.

The retriever reached her quickly and bounced in circles around her mistress with her tail wagging high. Mary crouched down until she was eye level with the pup and ruffled the fur behind her ears.

"Oh, Isis…Papa is going to be so pleased when I tell him I've found you," she said happily.

Their reunion did not last long as a whistle in the distance prompted Isis to leave as quickly as she came. Realizing the dog was being summoned, Mary followed the path she had taken. It was not easy to navigate in the dim light and there was some thick bramble blocking her way, but determined as she was to retrieve Isis, Mary pushed through it without thinking of the consequence. As the thorns pricked her hands, she cried out in pain but she continued moving forward until she broke through to a clearing. There she found the family pet sitting next to William Mason in full army dress except for the white gloves that covered his hands.

"Are you quite all right, Mi'Lady?" Downton's former footman asked

Mary was happy to see him, so much so that she felt compelled to embrace the erstwhile servant who had gone off to War and took a step forward with her arms outstretched. Then, realizing her folly, she stopped herself midstream.

"I didn't realize you were back, William…I'm very pleased to see you," she said smiling broadly. Then added, "Is Mr. Crawley with you?"

Instead of responding to Mary's question, William stared at her hands and asked one of his own.

"Mi'Lady, do you know you have been injured?

Mary followed his gaze and took in the gashes on her palms and fingers which were bleeding.

"I'll be fine, William," she replied. "It's nothing."

William vigorously shook his head back and forth in disagreement before he raised his head.

"Please forgive me, Mi'Lady, but I think it is the exact opposite of nothing."

Bridging the gap between them, William reached for her hands. "Do you mind if I take a closer look?"

Mary nodded and stood still as William examined her palms and fingers carefully, surveying the damage. Once done, he let her hands drop and stepped back.

"Your wounds are deep, Mi'Lady. I fear it will take a good deal of time for you to heal."

Squaring her shoulders, Mary stood tall and replied, "Perhaps, but Carson says I am strong and Granny says I must."

Then, she asked William again, "Is Mr. Crawley with you?"

Appearing startled by her question, he didn't respond immediately. Instead, he knelt on the ground next to Isis and began stroking the dog's back. William focused completely on the retriever and ignored Mary for a few seconds before looking up at her. Then he replied to her question as if his answer was common knowledge.

"No, Mi'Lady.… He did not return with me…Mr. Crawley is dead."

Mary felt her heart pounding inside her chest and her bloodied hands began to tremble. Then she began to babble.

"No..You are wrong, William…Mistaken…That's it…You see, it was all a horrible mistake…a ghastly blunder….We all thought that he was…but it turns out he survived…You see…We were all wrong...You are wrong…Mr. Crawley is alive...He didn't die after all...You must believe me."

William stared at her as though she was speaking a foreign language while Mary's voice rose with frustration as she tried to convince him, and perhaps herself, that Matthew was not dead.

"My husband came back to me…to me and our son…He is alive... Matthew Crawley is alive and well."

In a calm and steady voice, William asked, "Are you quite sure, Mi'Lady?"

His question instilled great fear in Mary and she looked at William as if if he were the devil himself before taking flight into the woods.

"Matthew!" Mary cried out again and again as she ran at full speed down a path that had no end in sight. Exhausted and terrified that William's declaration may be true, she fell to the ground and began to weep.

And then from a distance, she heard her husband calling out her name.

…

Matthew was jolted awake by his wife's screams and leaped out of the chair he was sleeping in before his eyes were completely open. The first thing he saw when they were was Mary thrashing about in their bed like a fish out of water screaming his name. He nearly broke his neck tripping over the book that was now at his feet as he rushed to the bed.

"Darling, please wake up. Open your eyes, Mary. Please…please my darling…I need you to open you eyes for me," he pleaded.

It didn't take very long for him to rouse her but once he did, Mary was frantic. He could feel her body trembling beneath his hands.

"Matthew?" she croaked.

By the tone of her voice and confusion in her eyes, it was clear to him that Mary was uncertain if he were real or a figment of her imagination. Having had many night terrors while he was suffering amnesia as a patient in The London Hospital, Matthew knew from experience how disorienting and horrifying they could be. It troubled him deeply to see the woman he loved suffer this way.

Slowly, he removed his right hand from his wife's shoulder and brushed back a stray strand of hair that had fallen across her temple.

"I'm here, Mary" he said softly. "…and everything is fine. You've had a frightful nightmare but it is over now and you are safe here with me. You are perfectly safe."

Although her gaze never shifted from his eyes and she remained silent, Mary's body came to life. She gripped Matthew's shoulders firmly using him as an anchor and pulled herself up. Once they were eye level she began gliding her hands up and down his arms and across his back.

Matthew surmised that Mary was examining him to prove he was real and remained still allowing her to get the proof she needed. As if he were watching an eclipse take place from start to finish, he saw the doubt in Mary's eyes replaced by recognition and love once reality set in.

"Mary, are you…" was all he managed to say before being cut off by his wife's lips crashing into his own.

The kiss was fierce, demanding, and filled with such passion that he was left breathless. For the first time since Matthew was awakened by Mary's screams, his mind was free of worry and he threw himself into the kiss with wild abandon. When it ended, he gently guided his wife back down onto the mattress. This new position gave Mary full access to his chest and relieving him him of his pajama top, she placed gentle kisses over the expanse of it. Then she placed her hands on Matthew's hips and pushed the lower half of his pajamas down to his knees.

Caught up in the moment, Matthew grinned wickedly at her as he wiggled out of the rest of the garment and kicked it aside. Mimicking her husband's expression, Mary began tracing patterns over his chest with the index finger of her left hand while her right inched its way downward. She heard Matthew's breath hitch as she grazed his lower abdomen with her palm and gasp when she reached his hard member and began her ministrations.

Like a dead tree struck by lightening, the future Earl of Grantham was set ablaze.

"Wait," he said panting for breath. "I won't be able to hold back if you don't stop."

Mary understood and reluctantly brought her hands to her sides.

After taking a few deep breaths in an effort to calm himself, Matthew set upon the task of untying the pale pink ribbons holding the bodice of Mary's nightgown together. There were too many of them for his liking and his fingers fumbled causing the last ribbon to knot. He cursed under his breath as he found he was unable to unravel it. Impatiently, his wife pushed his hands out of the way and yanked open the panels of her gown exposing her full breasts. Then she quickly shoved the remainder of the gown down the length of her body and dispensed of it beneath the sheets.

Matthew's eyes raked over Mary from head to toe appreciatively. Her braid had unraveled and long strands of beautiful chestnut tresses graced her shoulders setting off her alabaster skin. He thought her the most exquisite woman he had ever laid eyes upon and was grateful that she had chosen him above all others to be her husband.

The sight of her lying beneath him filled him with desire and he wanted her desperately. Matthew altered his position so that he could fondle one of Mary's breasts while taking the tip of the other into his mouth. His hand kneaded the soft flesh cupped inside it while his tongue rolled around the pert nub he claimed, alternately sucking and nipping it with his teeth.

Mary kept her hands clasped behind Matthew's head keeping him in place until her nipples, now raw and tingling, felt satisfied. Then she guided his head down until it reached the spot between her thighs that ached to be filled by him. She cried out with pleasure as he devoured her the way he would his favorite cake. But he didn't remain long in this particular spot as he was driven by a need of his own. Matthew moved back up to once again and claimed her lips. They both were drenched with perspiration, hearts beating wildly and breath rapid and uneven. Neither had ever felt more alive.

Matthew broke the kiss and said with labored breath, "If I don't have you this very moment, I may go mad."

She smiled seductively and said, "Then, take me,"

He mirrored her smile before nudging her legs apart and entered her. She was more than amply lubricated but he still proceeded carefully to be sure she was ready for him. Once he filled her completely, he heard her gasp. Not for the first time, he marveled at how perfectly they fit together.

Many times when they made love, Matthew reigned himself in and had been gentle with Mary. Tonight was not one of those times and she reveled in it as she undulated beneath him in rhythm meeting his powerful thrusts. They were both in such desperate need of release that it wasn't long before their pace quickened. Matthew's deep blue eyes locked with Mary's as they pushed each other hard toward the brink. Mary peaked first, her muscles contracting with such force that they almost were uncoupled.

"Matthew!" she cried out as waves of pure ecstasy washed over her.

This time, the sound of his name was not only welcome but a catalyst for the relief he sought and with it he cried out, "I love you, Mary."

Then he planted a soft kiss on her lips before rolling to his side. As he took in Mary's face in close proximity, he was horrified to see that her lips were swollen. That discovery lead him to take further inventory, which resulted in his finding ugly red blotches over various parts of his wife's body. Knowing he was the cause of these marks, he hung his head in shame and offered Mary an apology.

"My darling, I feel absolutely awful," he said looking once more at the damage before him.

Confused by his comment, Mary exclaimed, "What?"

Matthew corrected himself quickly, "No, No…I feel wonderful…ecstatic…"

"Darling, you aren't making any sense," Mary said with a perplexed expression on her face.

"I am ashamed of myself because it is abundantly clear that I have handled you too roughly," he replied.

Mary scoffed at his words and shook her head in disagreement.

Still, Matthew was adamant that he was a brute.

"You are just being kind, Mary," he said. "Your lips are bruised and your lovely skin blemished….and…"

A horrifying thought popped into Matthew's head and he paled before crying out, "Good Lord, I haven't injured you in some other way, have I?"

Mary looked at her husband as though he has lost his mind entirely and started to laugh".

"This is not a laughing matter, Mary" Matthew countered with a severe expression on his face until her glee allayed his fears and he could not help but smile himself.

When her giggling finally subsided, Mary raised herself up, took hold of Matthew's face between her hands and kissed him.

Without releasing him, she said, "I am absolutely fine, darling. In fact, I am more than fine." Smiling, she continued, "I would elaborate further if I didn't think you would get a swelled head."

Matthew's smile reached his eyes as he pulled Mary into his arms. She remained there for some time with her head resting on his shoulder.

He began stroking her hair, and said softly, "I thank God every day that I have you back in my life, Mary. You make me so terribly happy."

She replied, "I feel the same way, darling"

The room was quiet now as the storm outside had ended along with the fire in the grate. In the silence, Matthew recalled the moments that led up to the passion that consumed them. Now, he needed to know what demons his wife was battling so that he could help her defeat them.

"Mary, please tell me," he pleaded.

That was all he had to say. They were so in tune with one another that no further words were necessary.

Mary took a deep breath and sighed before replying, "I sometimes feel like I am living in a dream."

Matthew remained silent as he watched Mary's facial expressions change with each of her thoughts.

After a minute or two, Mary chuckled wryly and said, "I remember you uttering the same words to me in what seems like another lifetime when I refused your first proposal…God, I was such a fool, Matthew."

Refusing to allow Mary to admonish herself, he replied, "You were very young and fearful of what the future would hold for you as the wife of a country solicitor…And you were influenced by someone that you considered had your best interest at heart."

Knowing her husband was letting her off the hook, Mary showed her gratitude by planting a kiss on his chest before returning her head back onto his shoulder.

After a moment, Matthew offered, "And what about me? I let my pride stand in the way my finding true happiness with the woman I loved. Suffice to say, I regretted walking away from you that day many times."

Now wondering why Mary would feel as he did during that awful moment, Matthew asked, "But, darling, I spoke those words because I was uncertain that you loved me. Surely, you have no doubt of my feelings?"

Mary smiled, "No, of course not. You have proven in word and deed that you love me madly," she declared before angling herself to make it easy for him to kiss her. And he did.

When the kiss ended, she rested her head dead center on Matthew's chest. This was one of her favorite spots since he returned to her. The sound of his heart beating was music to her ears and it played on in the background while she continued her explanation.

"When I am awake and we are together, I almost feel the need to pinch myself to be absolutely sure I am awake because…well you know why. It isn't necessary, obviously, for me to do that since you are standing before my eyes alive and well, living proof that you are back with us at Downton. Unfortunately that feeling of complete certainty does not cross over into my dreams. There, I often find myself searching for you to no avail or receiving news as I did when Papa came to the hospital that you are dead. These dreams feel quite real and even upon waking I find myself unsure if you did come back to me or if that was a fantasy that I manufactured in order to keep my sanity."

Each word Mary uttered was like a thorn on the stem of a beautiful rose pricking Matthew's heart and he barely managed to hold back the tears welling in his eyes as she continued.

"You see, for such a long time I had to accept that I would never see you again… or hear your voice…or…" Mary's voice cracked before she managed, "or lay in your arms as I am now."

"Oh, Mary…" Matthew began, but she stopped him.

"No, please… let me finish, Matthew. If I don't say it all now when it is clear in my mind and I have the courage to share it, I'm not sure if I ever will.

Matthew nodded his head and absentmindedly began tracing circles over Mary's shoulder with his thumb.

"It was very difficult for me to accept that you were dead. Truth be told, it was nearly impossible. It made no sense to me that although you were perfectly healthy and had survived a War that had taken millions of lives, that yours would be lost driving a few short miles from the hospital to Downton. When Papa told me what had happened, I was adamant that either he or I had gone mad. In fact, I clearly recall accusing him being a liar. Dr. Clarkson had to administer a sedative to calm my hysteria, as he called it, because he feared it would worsen my condition."

Matthew sat upright with that, jostling her and putting an end to the music.

"My darling, what condition?" Matthew asked visibly alarmed by her revelation.

Mary raised herself up and sat with her back flush against the headboard of their bed.

"I wasn't going to tell you because I feared you would not want to risk my becoming pregnant again, but since I have spoken to Dr. Clarkson and he does not believe it will likely happen a second time, I'll tell you now."

"Please do," Matthew urged doing his best to reign in his anxiety.

Mary diverted her eyes from his and looked straight ahead as she said calmly, "I began to bleed more heavily than is customary. Dr. Clarkson took steps to curtail the flow of blood but feared the shock of learning you were dead would cause me to hemorrhage. He kept me sedated until the bleeding had subsided. I didn't learn about your accident until late the following evening. Even then, I was under the influence of some sort of drug that was administered to keep me calm. It didn't work as well as Dr. Clarkson hoped it would but, thankfully, the bleeding did not worsen. When I was fully awake and able to get out of bed, I demanded to see your body, but you know the rest."

Matthew swallowed hard as he digested the news that George could have lost both of his parents on the day he was born.

"Yes, I know it all too well," he said bitterly. The proprietor at Graspeys informed Robert that I was accidentally cremated along with those who burned to death in the collision between the bus and tanker in Sowerby. The ashes of one of those poor souls that I came upon when I woke in the funeral home was represented as mine and buried in a grave with my name on it."

"Precisely," Mary said.

They were both silent for a minute or so before Matthew said, "You have been through so much. It breaks my heart that you had to suffer any of it."

Mary's faced him, her voice rising, "I'd gladly suffer it again Matthew, if the outcome would be the same. As long as I could have you here with me as you are now, I would not hesitate to relive every second of it."

A defiant tear managed to escape despite Matthew's resolve and slid down his face. He turned from Mary and wiped it away so that she would not see the affect her words had on him. Dr. Clarkson had told him that Mary had a "rough go of it" the first six months after learning he had died. He had wondered then, but had to know now, exactly how "rough" it had been for her.

"My darling, can you tell me how you managed to deal with it?" he asked. "Clarkson told me the first six months were very difficult for you."

"Difficult?" she spat out. "No, I wouldn't describe that time of my life as difficult, Matthew. To be precise, it was a living hell... a nightmare that I could not wake from."

Marry paused a moment as her mind was flooded with the painful memories of her grieving her husband. She grimaced as they mounted and swallowed hard before she was able to continue speaking.

"My only solace was in sleep and the first few seconds after I woke. Then, I would remember you were dead and that the empty spot beside me would remain that way. That knowledge pierced my heart like an arrow hitting its mark. I sobbed every morning for a very long time and Anna would do her best to comfort me. In my darkest hour, I wished I would never wake again because the pain I felt was too much to bear…And yet there was George to consider."

Matthew had wanted to know how his storm braver had endured the unthinkable and what he learned was even worse than he had imagined. He put his arm around Mary and pulled her close to him

Shifting slightly in his arms, Mary took a deep breath before she continued.

"Tom did his best to comfort me. He was the only one that I could tolerate in the early days since I knew that he understood what I was feeling. I must say, though, that he handled losing Sybil infinitely better than I did you. I am ashamed to admit that for the first half year after your presumed death, I barely touched our son. The nanny would bring him to me each day and I would kiss his head or hold him briefly, but I felt no desire to cuddle our child or speak gibberish to him as the rest of the family did. Tom said that George needed me and I did not doubt it. But the truth was I had nothing to give him, Matthew, because I was consumed by grief"

"Please don't apologize, darling," he said trying to conceal that his heart was breaking over her ordeal. "I have no doubt that you did the best you could under the circumstances. I'm sure the shock of losing me on the day George was born knocked all the stuffing out of you. I honestly don't know how you managed to bounce back from it. If it had been you..."

Matthew could not finish the sentence. The thought of losing Mary was too horrible for him to contemplate.

"Thank you for that," Mary said looking up into Matthew's eyes. "I think, perhaps, the extent that I grieved may have appeared overindulgent or melodramatic to some, especially considering how many wives lost their husbands in the Great War…and I might have agreed with them if not for the fact that I did not just lose my husband the day George was born.

Mary paused a moment as she searched once more for the right words and when found, she took Matthews hand in hers and continued.

"You see, darling, I lost the person who loved me madly despite my shortcomings…my champion, my best friend and confidant...I lost my partner in every aspect of my life that mattered … the father of my only child…and the person that not only saw the best in me but enabled me to see it, too."

Matthew could no longer hold back the tears and as they spilled down his face, Mary reached up and gently wiped them away with the palm of her hand.

"I was able to accept that you loved Lavinia and that we would not marry because your happiness was...is the most important thing to me... and you appeared content with her. And when she died, and you made it clear that we could never be together because we betrayed her, I accepted that knowing that I would not lose you entirely in my life."

Mary paused and then said bitterly, "What I could not accept was that you and I overcame eight years of obstacles including the War and on the happiest day of our lives, you were lost forever in an automobile accident that happened on a road you knew like the back of your hand."

Mary ended with "You ask me how I managed. The honest answer is I did not. For six months I walked the halls of Downton like a tragic figure in a Bronte novel. But you refused to haunt me," she said managing a weak smile. "You see, I felt half myself without you and I could not live a full life that way."

Matthew said, "But, you did, thank God, find a way to move on with your life. Mary. That much is clear. "

"It took a great deal of coaxing from Tom and some stern words from Carson and Granny to break me out of the doldrums. Our Head Butler told me that I was letting "it" defeat me and insisted that I was stronger than that. And Granny came to my room one night after dinner and made me see that I had a choice to make, either to live or die."

"I must thank them both, "Matthew said.

Mary continued, "That night after Granny left me, I asked myself what you would have advised me to do had you come back to haunt me. I remembered the conversation we had on the day I gave you my good luck charm at the train station. You made it clear to me that you hoped Lavinia would find someone if you did not return from the War and asked that I look after her and Isobel. I knew you would not want less for me than you did her. I recalled, too, the night I told you about Mr. Pamuk and how certain you were that I could deal with the scandal if Richard published. You said I was "a storm braver if you ever saw one." I heard your voice in my head telling me that I must choose life; that I must pick myself up by my bootstraps and get on with the business of living for myself and George.

After pausing for a moment to reflect on what she has just shared with her husband, Mary smiled at him and said, "Even in my imaginings, you inspired me, Matthew. And from that moment on I began taking steps to reclaim my life. They were baby steps at first, but each day I moved forward a little further. My goal was to become the mother George deserved and to support your own mother, who I could see was in a great deal of pain. I packed away my mourning clothes that night and vowed that I would do everything in my power to move on."

"And you did, Mary," Matthew interjected.

Mary nodded and continued, "I found that I could do that if I let go of your Mary. I reconstructed that protective wall that you had torn down and hardened my heart to all but George and Tom. That was the only way I could brave the storm, Matthew. It wasn't pretty and I'm afraid Edith has had to bear the brunt of my bad behavior. But, it allowed me to carry on with my life without you in it and even consider meeting someone new."

Matthew squeezed her hand and replied, "I'm glad you did, Mary. I would have wanted you to find a good man who would love you and be a father to George."

"I know you would have, Matthew. But, that is neither here nor there since I have you back," she said smiling broadly.

"This is true," Matthew replied with a much lighter heart.

"Now, if I could find a way to put an end to these nightmares so that you and I could both get a proper night's sleep, life would be perfect," Mary said. "I do feel awful waking you so often."

"Please don't," Matthew replied. "I do not want you to feel badly about behavior you have no control over. My darling, I think you are being too hard on yourself. I haven't been home two full months yet. Surely after some time passes, the dreams will disappear. And in the meantime, you can reach over and touch me or call out my name whenever you feel the need to."

Matthew placed his hand under Mary's chin and gently raised her head up so that he could look into to her eyes, "I mean it, Mary. I don't care about losing sleep. My only concern is your peace of mind."

Mary smiled sweetly at her husband and then yawned before saying, "You may be nominated for sainthood when you truly do die."

With a glint in his eye, Matthew responded, "I highly doubt that will happen considering how many impure thoughts I have about you during the course of a day."

Mary laughed heartily at that before yawning again, "I think I would like to go back to sleep now."

"So would I," Matthew said now yawning himself. "And I want you to remember as you close your beautiful eyes that I am right beside you should you need me."

As Mary jockeyed for a comfortable position under the thick, red coverlet, she replied, "Thank you, Matthew. I'll see you in the morning."

"Yes, darling, you most certainly will. Sweet dreams."

Morning came all too soon for Mary, and she groaned and covered her head with her pillow as Anna opened the curtains.

"Do you want me to shut them, Mi'Lady?" the ladies maid asked.

Matthew replied on Mary's behalf, "Please do, Anna. I'm going to start my day, but I'd like Lady Mary to get a bit more rest. She didn't sleep well last night. Beside, we are all bound to the house until the snow is removed. There must be drifts everywhere."

"I would imagine so," Anna replied. "The outside staff has been digging since the sun came up."

Anna took in the lump under the coverlet that she knew to be Mary before leaving the room. She knew that her mistress had been having difficulty sleeping soundly through the night and had been God Mr. Crawley is taking such good care of his wife, Anna said to herself as she made her way down the stairs.

"Darling, go back to sleep," Matthew coaxed as he rose from their bed. I'm going to get dressed and go down for breakfast. Once I know that you have called for Anna, I will bring George in to see you."

Mary pulled her head out from under her pillow and mumbled, "A saint" before turning over and drifting back off to sleep.

Two hours later she woke refreshed and ravenous and rang the bell to summon Anna. She arrived in record time with tea and a freshly baked blueberry muffin. Mary was enjoying the warmth of the sun filtering through the windows almost as much as her muffin when Matthew arrived with George in his arms.

The toddler squealed with delight when he saw his mother and began squirming in his father's arms to reach her.

"Hello my darling," Mary said placing her teacup down and motioning to Matthew to bring George to her.

Matthew sat George down next to Mary on the bed and the toddler's eyes went directly to his mother's meal.

"Have you come to have breakfast with your Mama?" Mary asked smiling at her little prince.

"He ate quite a large amount of food for someone his size a short time ago," Matthew informed her. "But, it seems he has not had his fill from the way he is staring at yours."

Both parents laughed and George clapped his hands in delight at the sight of it.

"Well, let's see if he likes blueberries," Mary said breaking off a piece of the muffin to give to George.

The tyke opened his mouth like a baby bird awaiting a worm from his mother's beak. Mary placed a crumb on his tongue and as the smell of blueberries wafted toward her, she became nauseated.

"Matthew," please take the baby." she managed before leaping out of bed and running to the bathroom.

Once there, she expelled the contents of her stomach into the commode.

Having called for Anna to take George back to his nanny, Matthew rushed to assist her.

"Darling, are you all right?" What can I do to help?"

Mary splashed cold water on her face. "I'm fine now, Matthew. What an odd thing to happen. The smell of the blueberries made me violently ill. I can only remember one other time that the aroma of any food affected me that way. It was when…"

And then she knew.

"Matthew what is today's date?" she asked, although she surmised it was beyond the one that a certain event should have taken place.

"It is the 27th. Why do you…"

And then he knew.

Yet, he had to ask her, "Mary, do you think you're...?"

Mary flew into her husband's arms and rattled on with glee, "I do, darling….I am late…nine days to be precise…and I am extremely tired…I attributed that to not sleeping well but I think now I may have been wrong about that…and I'm moody and crave blueberry muffins that suddenly make me wretch…and…Oh, Matthew, I think…I mean I am fairly certain that you are going to be a father, again."

Matthew did his best to rein in his excitement and admonished Mary, "My darling, I will be over the moon if you are pregnant, but before we both get our hopes up, please have Doctor Clarkson examine you to confirm your suspicion."

Mary nodded quickly, "Of course. I will call him today, even though I doubt he will be able to get here for some time due to the snow. But, Matthew …a baby would be a perfect welcome home present, wouldn't it?"

Matthew smiled broadly, "Reclaiming my life with you and George has already been the best gift I could ever receive, Mary. Though I must admit, if you are carrying our second child, you may have to restrain me from shouting the news from the rooftop."

Mary curbed her exuberance for Matthew's sake, but it was not easy to accomplish. Tragedy had robbed them both of so many precious moments together with George. Though this would be their second child, it would be the first that they would raise together from the moment it was born.

Dr. Clarkson could not be called for two days as the storm damaged the phone lines. Until he could be reached, Matthew and Mary agreed they would keep the rest of the family in the dark about the presumed pregnancy until it could be confirmed.

While paths were being cleared so the inhabitants of Downton could leave the house, Matthew, Mary and Tom planned an indoor picnic in the nursery for the children. Mrs. Patmore prepared a basket of food that included roast chicken and fairy cakes. Anna cheerfully delivered the food to the clan sitting on a blanket in the center of the room.

When they finished eating, Tom nominated Matthew to read nursery rhymes stating that he always did such a fine job of it. "Hickory, Dickory, Dock" was Sybbie's favorite, and as the tale reached its end, Sybbie jumped up and clapped her hands in appreciation. George, who was sitting in his Mama's lap entranced by his father's melodious voice, mimicked his cousin, bringing his tiny hands together and bouncing in place. Matthew and Mary reveled in the sight of it and smiled at each other from across the room.

Once the entranceway to the house was cleared and paths dug out, Matthew suggested that Mary take a nap while he and Tom took the children out for a sleigh ride. She entertained the thought of joining them, but fatigue won out and she followed her husband's suggestion.

Three days after the storm ended, Dr. Clarkson arrived at Downton to determine whether or not Lady Mary was expecting. Matthew waited in the library for the good doctor to finish his examination. Pacing nervously back and forth, he was joined by the current Earl of Grantham who had come in search of him.

Robert Crawley had already been advised by his wife that Dr. Clarkson was there to see their eldest daughter. Now, noting the tense expression on his son-in-law's face and his inability to remain still, Robert became worried.

Stopping his successor in his tracks, he said "Matthew, Cora told me Dr. Clarkson is with Mary. I hope it is nothing serious."

Matthew found himself in a quandary since he wanted to ease his father-in-law's mind regarding his daughter's health but not divulge the reason for Clarkson's visit.

"Um…No, Robert, she is quite well…in good health…that is except for having a bout of…well a mild case of…," Matthew mumbled and then stopped himself before giving too much away.

"Matthew?" Robert said looking confused and a bit piqued that he was being put off.

Fortunately, at that moment, Dr. Clarkson entered the library and both the present and future Earl of Grantham's attention shifted to him.

"How is Lady Mary?" the two men asked simultaneously.

Clarkson smiled at them both, "She is quite well, and has asked that I tell Mr. Crawley that he is free to share my findings with her father as she has already informed Lady Grantham of my diagnosis."

"Which is?" Matthew asked nervously.

Robert, too, appeared to be on pins and needles as he waited to hear a response from the doctor.

Clarkson put them both out of their misery by announcing, "Lady Mary is pregnant."

"Pregnant!" Robert cried out. "Good Lord…that is absolutely wonderful."

He then took hold of Matthew's hand while patting him on the back, "Congratulations, Matthew. I could not be more pleased."

"Nor can I," Matthew said with glee. Then, "I must go to Mary."

"Of course," Robert said beaming.

On his way, he stopped before Dr. Clarkson, clasped his hand and thanked him for the joyous news.

As he headed out of the library, Matthew turned suddenly as he remembered what Mary told him about George's delivery and asked Dr. Clarkson, "And all is as it should be with Lady Mary?"

"Yes, Mr. Crawley, "the physician responded." Lady Mary is the picture of good health."

Matthew nodded and smiled widely before reaching the stairs and taking them two at a time in his excitement to reach his wife.

Cora, clearly ecstatic, was sitting on the bed beside Mary when Matthew entered the room. She rose quickly and pulled him into an embrace.

"I am delighted," Matthew, she said and kissed his cheek. Then she blew a kiss to her eldest daughter before leaving her and husband alone to celebrate.

Mary smiled broadly at Matthew and held out her hands to him.

He reached her quickly and kissed both before pulling her into an embrace, "Oh my , I feel I'm going to burst with happiness."

Mary pulled back slightly so she could face him," I knew it," she said triumphantly. "The aversion to the blueberries was a dead giveaway."

They both chuckled as they held each other close relishing their good news and each other until the rest of the family came by to congratulate them.

Later, when they were alone again, Mary told Matthew that the baby was due near the end of October. She, also, did her best to ease any lingering anxiety he might still have by relaying that Dr. Clarkson expected the pregnancy and delivery to be free of complications.

 **...**

That night the future Countess of Grantham dreamed that she and her husband were lying atop a white blanket on the cricket pitch staring up at an ink black sky. It was dotted with an array of bright stars and Matthew was spouting out their names to her.

Pointing to a "V" shaped constellation overhead, he said, "And that is Andromeda, darling."

While Mary focused on the spot, a cow appeared from out of nowhere and jumped over the moon. She turned to Matthew and they both burst out laughing at the sight of it.

Soon after, she opened her eyes to find the sun streaming through the windows and Matthew lying beside her. His eyes danced with delight and she could tell that her husband was doing his best to contain his laughter.

"What is so funny?" Mary asked barely awake.

"I'm sorry if I woke you, "he replied apologetically. "But you were giggling in your sleep and it was both adorable and contagious."

More alert now, Mary replied, "I think I was dreaming about a cow jumping over the moon and you and I found it very amusing."

"Well that would be funny," Matthew said looking at his wife as if she were the bright light shining through the panes of glass.

Then he added, "Anna is bringing up tea. She said she would not bring any food until you told her what you can tolerate."

Mary looked deeply into the bluest eyes she ever saw beside George's and brushed her hand through his golden hair, "I can tolerate anything as long as you are at my side, Matthew."

He smiled at that and pulled her close and she rested her head on his chest and enjoyed the music until Anna arrived. And, together, they happily resumed the business of living.

...

AN: I hope you will let me know your thoughts. I know this is short, but I'd love to hear if you liked it. Also, please refer to friends.

Also, if you haven't already read "Patient #9", please do as I will be writing more in this AU.

***As I did in Patient #9, I have included historical fact in this story. In February 1923 there was a blizzard in Yorkshire. I also used Sigmund Freud's theory regarding dreams in formulating Mary's nightmare.

Regarding Mary's Dream:

For those who have read "Patient #9", you will know that Sigmund Freud paid close attention to his patient's dreams and analyzed them in his treatment. He believed that the root to an individual's problem could be found in their subconscious which manifests itself in their dreams. Hence, Mary's nightmare.

If you look closely, each character she meets symbolizes Matthew (even Isis and the travelers.) Each is important to her in some way and all eventually leave her or are out of reach. The recurring theme in her dream is loss and death. That is because she was badly traumatized when she lost Matthew and has not completely recovered, even though he has returned to her. She needs to see and touch him to be absolutely certain he is alive.


End file.
